Co-parenting is best described as a parenting arrangement between people who’ve separated or divorced and are working together to raise their kids. While the end goal of raising happy and secure kids may be shared among co-parents, the road getting there can often be bumpy. Some typical co-parenting issues can be anything from getting along with an uncooperative Ex to navigating opposite parenting styles. It will likely take some time to adjust to parenting apart, and hopefully, in keeping some of these tips in mind you’ll be able to avoid major setbacks and keep the peace.
Shift Your Mindset
If you’ve found communicating with your Ex to be contentious or taxing, you might consider approaching the relationship as you would any other business or professional relationship. When it comes to communicating about your kids, aim to deliver information directly and cordially. Ask yourself: Is this kid-focused and informative? and Is my tone neutral? You might also rethink the medium you use to communicate with the other parent (e.g., email, voice note, text, co-parenting app) and select the option that is most effective and conducive for an amicable co-parenting relationship.
Sleep on It
As the famous adage goes, when faced with a difficult co-parenting situation, “sleep on it”. Apply this if you find yourself feeling triggered by your Ex. Perhaps their communication was disrespectful, or they made a parenting choice that you fundamentally disagree with. Instead of engaging with them at the moment, take some time, and if the situation is not an emergency, decide to sleep on it so you can give yourself time to reflect on the situation. The time away will allow you the space to self-regulate and address the matter calmly without getting pulled into an antagonistic power struggle.
Remember the Common Goal
The last, yet most important thing to keep in mind when navigating co-parenting is that you are both ultimately working towards the same goal: raising happy, healthy, and secure kids. When handling co-parenting issues, check-in with yourself and ask: Is this what’s best for my kids? Sometimes the answer to that question can be at odds with what you want or feel as a parent. Albeit challenging at times, maintain consistency in your home, avoid talking negatively about the other parent, and refrain from putting your kids “in the middle” of conversations that should really be between parents.
The simple truth is that despite all of your best efforts to make your co-parenting relationship successful, you are only in control of your parenting decisions. No matter what the other parent does, keep the focus on your kids. While there will be days where it seems taking the taking high road gets you nowhere, in the end, it makes a bigger difference than you realize.
~ Jenna Uhrik (Contact us today to schedule an appointment with Jenna!)
SOURCES:
McGhee, C. (2021, March 19). Confident Co-Parenting…Surefire Strategies for Taking the Hassle & Headache Out of Parenting Apart [Webinar]. In Positive Parenting Solutions Webinar Series. Retrieved from https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting-apart.